This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Benjamin Comer who was born asleep on March 05, 2006. We will remember him forever. I have recently been up dating the legacy and timeline section of Benjamins site. Also I've been making a scrapbook for Benjamin which you can see by clicking here. If you have tried emailing me and I haven't replied I'm sorry I've experienced problems with my email. You can contact me at sjc1979@hotmail.com. Thank you and please light a candle for my little boy.





Another year older
A little bit stronger
A little bit wiser than
A year ago today

Looking over my shoulder
I was so much younger then
I can't believe what happened
A year ago today

And I just can't forget about it
Oh it wouldn't mean a thing
You went away
A year ago today

Another year gone by
Oh the tears have run dry
Life seemed so unkind
A year ago today

And I just can't understand it
And I don't think I ever will
You went away
A year ago today

And how many times have I questioned myself
What more could I do
And how many times have I fooled myself
Over you oh

You've gotta pick yourself up,
Take another look
And dust yourself off cause life's not too good,
I'll say it to myself and I'll say it again
Love will never end

And though we're so far apart
You're forever in my heart

Another year older
A little bit stronger
On this anniversary
You're watching over me

You went away
A year ago today

You went away
A year ago today





I was overjoyed when I found out I was pregnant with you Benjamin but also nervous and worried because I had miscarried earlier in the year. As things progressed I became more at ease. At the 20 week scan you was been awkward and wouldn't let the doctor see everything they needed so we had to go back but still you decided to play hide and seek. Eventually she managed to get everything they needed and they told me you were fine and that you were a little boy - I was sure you was a girl but I didn't mind. The worry returned when I started bleeding at 24 weeks and was in hospital. Luckily you were fine and it turned out to be a urine infection. As things progressed I couldn't wait for you to be here. We'd been given a date for you to be born by cesearean on 9th March - 9 days before you were due.

On 4th March I was still working and mentioned I hadn't felt you moving as much as normal. I went home and managed to find your heartbeat or so I thought, I now know it must of been my own that I found. I had been getting pains throughout the day and overnight they became worse. On Sunday 5th March we went into hospital. I was excited that you were on your way and I'd be holding you soon. 



In hospital the midwife came to find your heartbeat but couldn't and when another midwife came to find it and couldn't I knew there was something wrong. A scan revealed that you had died. It was decided that the cesearean would be done as soon as possible. While waiting in the hospital room I was sure I felt you move but I knew deep down that I hadn't.

Your daddy couldn't bare to be at the birth but that wasn't because he didn't love you it was because it wasn't meant to be like this and he wasn't sure he could cope. Instead your nana came with us. I decided to wait before I saw you, I didn't want to see you straight away because I wanted to be alone with you. I didn't want all those people there when I held you in my arms.



You were born at 7.16pm weighing 7lb 1oz. Your nana told me you looked just like your big brother Kieran. Everything after that kinda passed in a blur. Eventually you got to be with your mummy and daddy. Nana was right you looked just like Kieran you were beautiful. I held you for a little while and wished so much that you would open your eyes, let out a little cry. But it was never to be. We handed you over to the midwife who washed and dressed you. I saw you again the next day and said goodbye. We had lots of tests done but we never found out why you died. The most likely reason was a blood clot that stopped oxygen getting to you.

We decided to have you cremated and began arranging your funeral. We decided to play the song Written In The Stars by Westlife at the beginning because the lyrics are beautiful and it reminded me of our time together.

Stay with me
Don't fall asleep too soon
The angels can wait for a moment

Come real close
Forget the world outside
Tonight we're alone
It's finally you and I

It wasn't meant to feel like this
Not without you

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

Don't be afraid
I'll be right by your side
Through the laughter and pain
Together we're bound to fly

I wasn't meant to love like this
Not without you

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

I made a few mistakes, yeah
Like sometimes we do
Been through lot of heartache
But I made it back to you

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
And when I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

When I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars



You then had a lovely service and a poem was read for you that I had found.
 
Though your feet never got to walk,
     Your delicate footprints will always be etched in my soul.
Though your eyes never got to weep,
     Your silver tears will always haunt my dreams.
Though your lungs never got to fill,
     Your undrawn breath will always drift in my breast.
Though your fingers never got to reach,
     Your golden touch will always be imprinted on my palm.
Though your lips never got to move,
     Your silent words will always echo in my mind.
Though your heart never got to love,
     Your beautiful spirit will always be cradled in my arms.



At the end of the service we played All Time Love by Will Young. I was looking at your pictures in hospital and looking through your memory box that the lovely midwife Karen had done for you when this song came on.

Sometimes you walk by the good ones
'Cos you're trying to hard, too hard to see them
And sometimes you don't find the right lines
'Cos you're trying too hard, too hard to hear them
But you know what it feels like
'Cos you're like me
And you won't give up
'Till an all time love
'Cos nothing else is good enough
I want an all time love to find me

Some days you're too set in your ways
And you forget to shut up, shut up and listen
And some days you just have to misplace all your mistakes
Somewhere that you won't miss them
So stop lying that you're fine
'Cos you're like me
And you can't give up

'Till an all time love
'Cos nothing else is good enough
I want an all time love to find me

I don't believe that it's a failing
I don't believe that it's a fault
'Cos if everything were plain sailing
Oh tell me what would there be left to exalt

But an all time love
'Cos nothing else is good enough
I want an all time love to find me
I want an all time love
'Cos nothing else is good enough
I want an all time love to find me

We went outside and let a balloon go for you. It was a blue love heart which was inscripted with a message for you:

Benjamin

Love You Always

Mummy Daddy
Courtney and Kieran
xXx

The following day your sister Courtney and brother Kieran let a balloon go to say goodbye to you.



I was playing around doing different designs with Benjamins pictures when I noticed that on this design I could see the outline of his eyes. I think it is beautiful and shows what my little boy would have looked like if only he'd been given then chance to open his eyes and take a look at the world. Here's the original and the altered one.